How to Guard Our Mental Health in These Times
Learning self-regulation of our thoughts and emotions
We all know the usual things we are told to do to maintain optimal health - eat well, exercise, get fresh air and sunshine, spend time with supportive friends and family.
But what is going on in our heads?
Are we victims of FEAR?
How do we deal with uncertainty and fear?
We need to talk to others. We need to let it out. We need to clarify our thinking by talking. But although this brings a measure of relief, it can also be a downward slope.
It is helpful to know others share similar concerns. It helps to know that others are aware of the same things and we are not alone.
But after we agree on a problem we can find ourselves stuck there. We may find we don’t know how to encourage ourselves out of this dark place we have travelled to together.
I have thought, after some conversations, that it may have been better not to go there. But we can become isolated with our thoughts, if we don’t speak, so it is important to learn to navigate our way through this unfamiliar forest with all its swamps and gullies.
I’m sure you know people who sometimes go too deep and make you uncomfortable. They get excessively angry. While some anger is good, we want other people to be comfortable in our presence and to continue to talk to us. This means we need to take care to restrain our venting and rein in our emotion—the degree of emotion we express. This calls for us to observe our reactions and to choose to regulate our emotions.
I try to do this by being matter-of-fact. Simply stating the facts is helpful to keep things from escalating, but for some even this is too much. It’s important to be sensitive to the next person’s level of tolerance and to respect it.
Rather than ranting, speaking in an angry tone, we can keep the volume down and think of ourselves as a news announcer. Just “report” and then add words to describe how the news makes you feel. For instance, “I find this upsetting,” or “This makes me angry.” You may even admit, “I don’t know what to do about my anger.” (For those who want a solution to everything, sorry. That only happens in movies.)
Yes, we need to think ahead and be careful about
the topics we choose,
how much we say,
how long we stay there, and
how much deep emotion we express.
Remember the formula, Duration x Intensity = Trauma.
A big blow up, with lots of emotion (intensity), causes additional trauma. But a slow drip over time (duration) can cause trauma too.
Awareness can be very helpful. Just knowing we need to monitor what we say, how often we go there, and how much emotion we express, can be helpful.
In our home I say to my husband, “What’s in the news today?” He gives me a highlight or two. I share one or two things I’ve learned and we make a few comments. We spend five or ten minutes in discussion and then we “go to a different room” in our minds. Once in awhile we will thoroughly discuss a topic.
I have a relative who refuses all negative or intense conversation and I respect this position. I am more of the mind that letting off a little steam occasionally is helpful to reduce the pressure. For me journaling is a silent habit where I can find release, but I also talk and write.
A friend of mine mentioned that she would like to move out of the country. She is a level-headed woman and I was surprised by her comment. “Where would you move to?” I asked her. The world is full of uncertainty no matter where we live.
This shows me that knowledge of what is happening in Canada in terms of erosion of privacy and personal freedoms, corruption in government and the level of injustice we see in the courts, is causing people to lose their sense of security in their country. These are real concerns we take to heart.
Although it is a sad state of current affairs, I don’t believe moving away is the answer. We need a robust response and to look for solutions. My starting point is always where I live, and more specifically, in my home. Each day I try to do something positive for myself and my family. From there I move on to what I can do for my community. We may think we have a small role, but it is significant.
I am a person who needs information. Information is better for my mental health than avoidance. But, at the same time, I very carefully monitor which content I expose myself to and how frequently I access it. Yes, I avoid some news sources. Remember, Intensity x Duration = Trauma/Stress.
I particularly avoid sensationalized information, ominous tones and background music, graphic images played on repeat. Although I am a Christian, I also avoid a lot of preachers and ‘end time’ messages. I do not find them edifying or helpful.
I seek out a few balanced-sounding news sources where there is content, and not a lot of opinion being expressed. I look for professionalism, respect and moderation in the presentation. I avoid “bashing” content of any stripe. If you bash a politician you quickly lose my respect. In my mind character assassination is the same as a racist remark.
I’ll add I am also very resistant to “Click Bait” titles.
I look for reporting that presents
actual words spoken
actions and behavior observed
events that occurred and
relevant data/information from studies.
Too often I see news manipulated in a way that subtly or overtly corrals our thinking in a particular direction. I appreciate being treated with respect as someone capable of drawing my own conclusions.
There is a place for commentary and I like to listen to thoughtful and considerate exchanges.
I subscribe to a few news sites by email and often prefer to read, rather than listen to news. I also seek divine guidance. As I “sift” through the news headlines I want to see the information that is important for me to see. There are reasons that are relevant beyond my understanding.
Probably the most important and effective thing we can do for our mental stability to is to hold onto hope.
Keep Faith Alive.
Good things are happening every day. Good people are doing good things. Look closer to home.
We can allow our minds to be constantly consumed with ‘the world out there’ and become ineffective in our actual sphere of influence.
Yes, a wake up call needed to happen. Now we must learn to maintain balance.
Listen to what your body is telling you. Is your stomach tense? Is your head aching? Sometimes when the pressure gets to me I feel like my head is in a clamp. I know this is my signal that I need to “refresh” myself. I wish it was as easy as pressing a “refresh” button.
We all have things we do that help us, like getting out in the fresh air, expressing gratitude, being kind to someone, hosting a dinner party, or just going out for a drive or watching a light-hearted show. I like to go the Hotsprings. Some go for a massage. Choose what works for you. Only, don’t do the things that make matters worse. You know what those are.
Most importantly, keep your close relationships positive. Make your home a refuge. Make it a sanctuary you look forward to coming home to.
A really good book I ran across lately is called, “In Each Other’s Care,” by Stan Tatkin, PSYD, MFT. It teaches us how to be there for each other in a genuine way.
We are in the middle of a bit of a tumultuous current these days. We don’t know if things will get worse. For some they are already very bad. I think of a person close to me struggling with challenges on every level—financial, addictions, legal, relational, health. How are you and your family doing in each category?
It’s important to be able to connect to others for some support. No one person can lift your burden alone, but maybe they can be a listening ear and carry a small part.
Even in this place of great stress and difficulty I still see people, like the person I mentioned above, reaching out and offering help to others. This is a sign of personal inner strength. We are not always in a place where we have the resources to reach out. It is important to remember that sometimes we help others and sometimes it is our turn to be helped.
Helping others can help us too. It can be a huge mental health boost. But be realistic about how much you can give. Be aware of the level of your own well. Is it full or running dry? Tend to it so that it does not become depleted and so that you continue to have something to draw from.
The uncertainty about the future has caused people to become anxious. Anxiety is not a constructive emotion. In fact it is generally of little use. It may warn of danger, but it also depletes our resources and clouds our vision.
I performed a song in front of a crowd, once, and was extremely anxious. After the performance I said to myself, “I could have done the same without anxiety and the audience might actually have enjoyed it more.” For the future I kept this in mind and refused to allow this level of anxiety to impair me.
We have significant power to regulate our feelings with our thoughts. This is why cognitive behavioural therapy is successful.
Seek until you find. If you are looking for solutions, you will find them.
One scripture I frequently meditate on is, “God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7
The real battle is for your mind.
We win when we remain of a sound mind.
The spirit of fear is not of God. It is not from a good source.
Only you can regulate your thoughts and emotions. Your mind is your own private domain where you sit on the throne. “I say to this servant, come, and he comes, and to that servant, go, and he goes.” We can determine which thoughts serve us and which thoughts do not.
Jesus commended the man who spoke these words because he understood authority. The words were actually prefaced by the statement, “I am a man under authority.”
I was surprised that the centurion did not say, “I am a man in authority” until I realized that his true authority lay in the fact that he was subject to a greater authority on whose behalf he acted. This was the source of his confidence.
Study to become wise and find the appropriate response to the challenges of life. Learn to discover joy in your trial. Determine not only to survive but to thrive.
P.S. Following initial publication of this article, the party with the legal challenge was exonerated in court, providing their own defense against seven charges. Truth and wisdom won the day.
Look for the good happening around you and celebrate it.
Thank you for reading! I write for thoughtful readers like you!
I'm going to give this a second read. There's a lot there to ponder. Thanks for your thoughtful article.